I can’t know, but I sense from your posts that you’ve experienced some trauma yourself. If that’s the case, I’m right there with you: the world’s aggressive efforts to keep trans people in the closet can be devastating to trans people and their loved ones alike, albeit in unique ways. But directing blame towards trans people for that injustice is misplaced, and would only do more harm. The problem is a world that stigmatizes transness.

Re: happy and sad stories, exactly 100% of the stories I heard in my first 30 years of life were ones of sadness, depression, suicide, shame, hate, violence, and abuse. I’m not at a point where I worry about a few happy stories erasing the negative ones. I hope we’ll get there some day, but I don’t think I’ll see that in my lifetime.

That said, if what you meant was that we need stories of struggle from partners of trans people too, you’re absolutely right. And those stories are certainly harder to share, because they can be too easily read transphobic, when they’re really just stories of tragedy, grief, and loss. I hope more partners and children find the courage to share their experiences, just as trans people have had to find courage to share theirs. None of us deserve stigma for any of these expriences.

Professor of programming + learning + design + justice at the University of Washington Information School. Trans; she/her. #BlackLivesMatter.

Professor of programming + learning + design + justice at the University of Washington Information School. Trans; she/her. #BlackLivesMatter.